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I pledge Allegiance…


 In early 2002 a Federal appeals court ruled that an eight-year-old schoolgirl should not be forced to say the Pledge of Allegiance, because the words under God are unconstitutional. Written in 1892 by a Baptist minister, the original pledge did not contain the phrase; it was added in 1954 at the height of the war against communism. Other special interest groups have since fiddled with the text. Some liberals say " equality, liberty, and justice for all." Here are other options:

 

For lawyers: 

We, the undersigned, ly pledge nonbinding allegiance-with the understanding that this does not constitute a contract between the two parties, to wit, a natural person and the flag of the United States of America. And to the republic for which said flag had been empowered to act in all manners: one nation, under God (although any disputes arising from this agreement will be governed by the laws of the State of New York), indivisible without 30 days’ prior written notice supplied to the partied either in person or by certified mail-which liberty and justice reserved for the undersigned.

 

                                                                                                         Citizen                                               Flag

 

 

 

 For Politicians:

( Face camera) I pledge allegiance to the morning polls of the United State of America, and to the momentary preferences for which they stand one nation, under God, easily divisible, with liberty and justice for sale.

 

 

For Immigrants: 

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, understanding that this will not protect me if my associations, statements or behavior are deemed suspicious by the INS, FBI, CIA, the Office of Homeland Security or the cable TV installer who has agreed to report” suspicious activity.” Such as being Middle Eastern.

 

 

For the NRA

I pledge allegiance to Samuel Colt- the man who made all men equal- and to the Second Amendment behind which I stand, with ammo and assault rifles for all. You got a problem with that?

 

For Windows users: 

I pledge allegiance to the waving icon that appears on my computer each morning, and the  monopoly for which it stands, one system under Bill, with liberty and Internet Explorer for all.

 

For CEOs: 

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the island of Bermuda, and the tax haven for which it stands, multinational, under the Fifth, with bonuses and options for the board.

 

 For the religious right:

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and the Manifest Destiny for which it stands, one Judeo-Christian nation, under a white, blue-eyed God, indivisible until the South rises again, with liberty and justice and a front pew seat for everyone but the homosexuals, feminists and Darwinists. Amen.

 

For secular humanists: 

I pledge allegiance-within the limits of rationality-to the dyed-cloth symbolic representation of the fragment of the universe in which by ranfreedom chance I came to exist, and the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible-at least until we get some kind of work-able world government.

 

 

If you know a good lawyer joke, send it to Joe!!

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